I can’t play my music live anywhere. But the world of hardware is beckoning me. So the only logical thing to do was work the paint department at Home Depot because it’s not only a great place to walk your dog but a great place to pick up chicks. Everyone knows that.
But Home Depot babes are mostly do-it-yourselfers. But I do get to sport a manly apron. The swag of success.
Home Depot. They’ve been around for over 50 years and the homies at the depot are all over the dating scene. (I’m making this up.) You know when you wait in line to order your paint? Color, interior or exterior, how shiny would you like it? Those are all subliminal pick up lines. But there’s more to this.
There’s new computer software at the depot, and vastly improved as new software always is, that requires the customer who is already parked in slow moving order-your-paint line they don’t like, a lineup of COVID mask painters in 6 foot gaps of social distancing, not just to order paint but now with the new and improved order window software, they’re required to give their email address and phone number to the stranger dude in the orange apron behind the counter.
Just when we need more annoyance in our lives.
The customers are stuck in a line of face covered neurotic snails. So, if that isn’t matchmaking, I don’t know what is. We match the paint and take your phone number. Plus, you’re now part of an email list that can make you a Home Depot homey for life.
Hello, Bruce in the paint department here. We’ll get to your paint later. But for now. What are you doing tonight?
Enough of that--on to the happy go lucky world of music. I released an EP in May and continue to write and record to appease my curiosity and win friends and influence people. Here’s a short listen to a new song I’m working on that is mainly strings, percussion and drums. It’s called Even If I Wanted To.
That’s the idea. The next song I'm going to play is also new to most people. It’s a song for all of us that are publically preoccupied with our phones for God knows whatever reason. I wrote the lyrics before the pandemic and I mention wearing masks. “Masks” as in hiding our identities. It was intended as a metaphor originally but now in September of 2020, has taken on literal meaning.
Here is 12-string guitar and clavichord, some tambourine and a voice: Doesn’t Anybody Fall In Love No More.
Thank you so much for listening. Be patient and respect your fellow earthlings. Carry a litter bag in your car at all times and if it gets full, throw it out the window.
Take care of yourself, take care of others and above all, make it a good day.