It’s the Better Each Day Podcast Radio Show and once again it’s me, Bruce Hilliard, bringing you Kaleidoscope Heart.
Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I let my guard down and let people into my life and my heart. I'm so thankful I’m a songwriter because I can vent my sometimes over the top affection by writing sappy lyrics...and somehow that seems okay. Being too transparent without the guise of a third party doing your dirty work and saying for you “hey, you’re just great” is dangerous.
There’s a confusing unwritten manifesto that states that emojis and greeting cards are safe but to express yourself a little too much on the personal level, depending on the audience, is risking “order in the court cause here come da judge.”
I must have reached some sort of emotional security as part of the aging process because I don’t care anymore. I just write songs. When this particular song reached it’s point of emotional no return I used my favorite new phrase, it’s not original, that works well when you run out of words, like when you just kinda trail off, it’s “That’s all I got.” I use it a few times in song. That’s all I got.
So, here’s the backstory on one of my latest songs and it’s all true. I quit growing in the 8th grade and I still sport the same clothes I wore then even though they’re resembling cobwebs. Okay, that’s not true, I made that up.
My friends, sisters Freya and Annie (aka Nitro and Glycerin) saw me playing at a new venue here in Mukilteo called Tapped.
Freya, in her Florence Nightingale mode of feeling nothing but deep sorrow for my wardrobe dysfunction, talked to little sister Annie and they put together a Care package rescue idea in their sorrow for me. It was an instant plan: Get Bruce new clothes NOW, take new promo shots ASAP.
Okay, I used my ragamuffin to my advantage but it worked.
My latest promos were shot in a racquetball court and basically sucked.
Of course, this was all communicated via text. Why? So we could attach images of Napoleon Dynamite and Steve Urkel as our fashion references. We don’t do anything very seriously. The brain was designed to function best on a no hassle, fun vibe. Plus, Freya has very good taste.
First off, a shopping spree with Freya. She grabbed me by the wrist and with masked faces we stormed the mall like it was weird Black Friday. We had Annie on text for selection approvals. So she was a virtual shopper.
There weren’t dressing rooms so trying on pants in the aisle while going commando was a no. (I was actually wearing my 8th grade cobweb undies.) We selected a hundred shirts, some boots and pants and done.
Next up the photo session at Annie Wolcott Photography. Annie had her studio set up and ready for various lighting, poses, and change of attire and fun. Later I’m sure she must have deleted many shots of me laughing. It was funner than any photo shoot I remember.
Plus, we started off with a homemade scone and awesome coffee. It was fun and for me, a guy who doesn’t like posing for photos. It was relatively painless.
The promo photos are currently in use. Some with back lighting, some with me stuck to the wall with Velcro and the one shot she laughed at. The one with a cool filter I looked at and said “It looks like a kaleidoscope, a kaleidoscope heart.”
During the shoot, I don’t think she caught my comment.
That was a title of a song that needed to be written. Kaleidoscope Heart. The rest of the song was written based on what was happening at the time. My friends Freya and Annie, the clothes and photographs and a list of color names I remembered from working at the Home Depot paint department.
They have pretty cool poetic names.
Medallion, ginger, alabaster, pearl and ivory white. Two verses of Behr paint. I had to cut some of the lyrics. I wrote too many paint verses. It was too easy.
The phrase “That’s all I got” is one of those personal jokes I think I stole from Annie, like I said, when a sentence trails off.
Xanadu and limousine leather and melody, and…
That's all I got.
It’s all I got, a kaleidoscope heart
Annie, a child across the water
Freya, a flower child's daughter
Emerald City, juniper and crimson jam
Purple, fuchsia, marigold and enneagrams
Mysteries of spectrum keys that’s who I am
A kaleidoscope heart
Just sayin’ on and on and on and on it goes
The clothes, the photographs, our friendship grows
Whenever I hear the rain
It always steals my thunder
Whenever I hear her name
I never know what to do
Medallion, ginger, alabaster, pearl and ivory white
Xanadu and limousine leather and melody
Comfort words and hearts and rainbows in my feed
That’s all I need, that’s all I got, it’s all I want,
A kaleidoscope heart